Tag Archives: expectations

Pre holiday fun

Yoho, Januari is the time to plan for the coming year, to plan for things that give energy, like holidays/vacations. The travelcompanies know this very well and the advertisements for holidays and travels are everywhere.
It’s the time for travel guides; Dreaming of palmbeaches, blue skies, high mountains, campings, hotels, themeparks, green forrests, lovely remote cottages or resorts with lot’s of entertainment. Then the discussions and the final decission where to go. 
The preparations, reading about the place, the culture, things to do (or not).
I get really excited with the idea of travelling on forehand. The anticipation is almost as much fun as the actual vacation or holiday.

Some people think I’m absolutly nuts and pitying me. “You will be so dissapointed when things don’t turn out the way you pictured it; what you hoped for or expected” or “You’re a coward trying to expell unwanted surprises”. 
The comments are usually given from a negative perspective which I cannot agree with and they even surprised me.
I guess it all has to do with expectations and how everybody deals with their own expectations and dissapointments.
 There are no dissapointments without -known- and unknown- expectations. 
A dissapointment makes you aware of a reality which is different from what you expected or what you value.
And that’s exactly what makes all the difference; I love different realities, I love to see what other people think is normal, why they think it’s normal, how they find sollutions for problems or why some things I see are not considered as a problem, or the opposite.

This last vacation I learned how much I apreciate a warm room, so after a shower I don’t need to get clothes on as quick as possible to maintain my body warmth, but I also learned to close the bathroom door, make it steamy and warm, have my pj’s ready and use that steamyroom for getting the wrinkles out my shirt. 
It was during a vacation at a themepark I learned how impatient I’m and how I absolutly hate to waste my time waiting in a line. I still try to avoid lines, but if it happens, I won’t get that angry anymore and spoil everybody elses fun.
I can’t wait for my next vacation and it’s beautiful surprises and those won’t be fifth choice accomodations as we booked too late.

IFGAblogperson

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Normal

The Netherlands used to be known as a tolerant society, the Dutch (people from the Netherlands) seemed to be accepting people who think- and behave differently, BUT they also expect others to make an effort to adjust to the Dutch culture. to act normal.
There are even a lot of proverbs who teach you not to stand out and act ‘normal’.

But what does normal mean?  I mixed and matched some definitions from different dictionaries

Normal;
Is behaviour (or something) confirming to the standard or norm; what people are used to, or what is -commonly- considered/thought of,  as good, typical or expected according to the majority of the people/the culture your with, at a certain moment.

I guess it is not a very big surprise that normal is different for everybody and that normal behaviour is depending on the people your with at that moment and what they think is normal in that situation.
So if you’re used to sheep on the highway, you think it’s normal and good; If you’re used to ask for information, you think that’s normal/good and you won’t easily look up for information yourself; If you’re used to shootings and the majority of people think it’s good or justified, it will be ‘normal’.

People are a social pieces; we need each other to survive. In general we want to be part of a group to survive (for psychical and/or physical reasons), so we show behaviour that, that group will think of as normal/good or typical, for that reason there are a lot of known and unknown rules how we’re supposed to behave in certain situations, the so-called etiquette. We want/need to belong and not fail the expectations.
There are people who become afraid of other people when they don’t behave ‘normal’ just because they don’t know the rules how to react properly according to their group/society.
There are also people who like to act against what is normal and stand up and act differently but even these rebellious types are acting to belong to a group/society, they are usually youngsters who will form the new standard of normal.

For cosmopolitan people the standard of ‘normal’ is being able to act as expected by the majority and we know that people all over the world in general act out of what they consider good. We might not agree, but that’s something different than not accepting.
IFGAblogperson

Choices

 

The freedom to choose is a big accomplishment in the western world; People can choose the political party they think is best for them, they can choose their partner, they can choose what to wear, to which restaurant they go, what to eat, without being persecuted or punished and even killed. some choices might be financially restricted but we don’t have to be afraid, to be who we are and what we prefer.

So how come I dread to make choices? Which shirt shall I wear blue or red?Which lane am I going to. which one will be faster? Which restaurant shall we have diner which is better, tastier, better service?- which phone shall I buy? etc.
There are so many choices to make and I fear to make the wrong decision, I fear I’m failing.

Being afraid doesn’t Feel Good and I know by now that knowledge helps to overcome the fear. So I try to be well prepared to make a decision. I read about the topic, find articles, reviews and opinions of others.
unfortunately that does not always help me; Articles seem to be written from one perspective, reviews are very subjective – comparing sites as ‘tripadvisor’ e.a. are being corrupted by the concurrence – and opinions are being stated as facts.
And because of all those comparisons I’m not sure what to choose anymore.arrrrgggh I fear that the outcome of my decision isn’t good enough or at least not what I expected  or what I hoped for. What is my expectation of wearing the red or blue shirt? What do I hope for to take the fastest lane? What do I want from the restaurant?  meal or a nice evening-? Do I want to call people or have a good camera?
It definitely feels much better when I’m aware of all those unconscious expectations. At least it makes it easier to choose, which doesn’t mean the outcome of my choice is what I expected but in that case we’re talking about acceptance and disappointments and that “my friends” is a whole other topic for a blog.

If you liked my blog please like, share and/or comment, so the International FeelGood Academy really becomes International.

IFGAblogperson

mistakes, bloopers and shame

One of my best birthdays was on a boring night, I didn’t have the money for a real party but it was a good reason to come together with some friends. At a certain moment we came to talk about our mistakes, bloopers, blunders and situations which were embarrassing and humiliating. It was hilarious, it was almost a competition in who’d made the biggest blooper. Besides the tremendous laughing it was healing; “These people loved me despite my mistakes, NO, these people loved me because of my mistakes”.

Afterwards I can even say that it helped me, it helped me to put my mistakes and embarrassing feelings into words. Because of the words I could analyse what went wrong and why and how I could avoid it or solve it.

But please do help me think. What is a mistake or an error? -I’ve tried definitions in a couple different languages, the best one was –The outcome of a situation which deviate from the expected/ desirable outcome.-
A Blooper is more serious according to the dictionaries; A blooper is a mistake with consequences for the concerning partie(s).
In both definitions the consequences or outcome are subjective; except for some scientific truths, like the world is round and 1+1=2, the outcome is depending on what people expect.

Anyway, a mistake or a blooper can make you feel ashamed, loss of pride or – face. In some cultures it even involves the whole family, clan or nation when a person makes a mistake.
Shame is an emotion, fear for the judgement of failing yours – or others expectations and fear for being unaccepted or even expelled. Guilt is also a judgement but that is much more legal. Shame is very subjective/ depending on the opinion of other people, so it depends on expectations of the person or the group he/she belongs to, that’s why shame is very much a cultural phenomenon.

That night, my friends didn’t have expectations and that’s probably why it was okay and even so much fun; I felt so happy and relaxed.
The best thing I’d learn, was that I’m not a mistake but I make mistakes, and that everybody makes mistakes and we learn from them by falling and getting up again and it’s very nice to have a hand to help you up instead of yelling how stupid it is to fall.IFGAblogperson